Pick Three
Heroes To Save The Earth!
By Dawn Donald Print This Item
The Panel
gathers movers and shakers from across the industry together to
answer your questions!
Don’t miss out on your chance
ask the big guns a question or two, send them in now to [email protected].
Most
of the Panellists should be known to you but if not, don’t panic
I’ve got a few details on them at the end of the column.
This
week’s question comes from Superwimp [who says he can only
“dream of greatness”]. The question is:
"The earth is in
danger of being obliterated by an alien force, which three
superheroes from your chosen universe (DC, Marvel and so on) would
you choose to help you save the world and why?"
Devin Grayson: “Alien forces
are easy. What's tricky are times like now, when the earth is in
danger of being obliterated by its native force. For an alien
invasion, though, assuming I *wanted* to save the world, I'd call
Batman, Superman, and Martian Manhunter. I don't believe I need to
explain why.
Another way to go, though, would be to call,
say, Vandal Savage, Lex Luthor, and any other
world-domination-inclined supervillain. First of all, they'd have
just as much at stake ("hey, I'm trying to RULE this damn planet, go
play target practice somewhere else!"), and secondly, there'd be the
small chance that they'd join the alien forces and then, at the last
minute, when they were sure they'd won, give away the entire
world-obliteration plan just in time for the heroes -- or even Bruce
Willis if he had nothing better to do that day -- to stop it. What
d'ya think? Mini-series? :-)”
Alan Grant: “Batman, because
he's smarter than your average obliterating alien force. Superman,
because he's stronger than your average obliterating alien force
(plus, I don't like him, so if he proved not strong enough I
wouldn't mind seeing his demise). And Lobo, because if we were all
doomed to destruction he'd take us out on a merry quip.”
Vince
Moore: “To show my complete fanboyness yet to surprise the
readers, I will say you really only need one hero to stop this
invasion: Black Panther. Shocked? Surprised? Baffled? See, the way
the Panther was originally conceived and best portrayed by
Christopher Priest, he would be the only one capable of responding
to such a threat at a moment's notice, wielding the most
sophisticated technology and best trained army on the face of the
planet. The Black Panther would also be the only one to have
actually prepared for this invasion ahead of time, probably having
full dossiers on the race in question. Armed with the best weapons,
including knowledge, The Black Panther and his troops would stop the
invasion, maybe even before the rest of the planet had an idea it
was in danger. (By the way, Mr. Quesada, if you're reading this,
please see what you can do about getting Priest's Panther run
completely collected. I’ll bet there are tons of people out there
who would read it. Fanboy plea mode off.)”
Beau Smith: ”The 3 heroes
I'd pick would be:
Nick Fury (Not the messed up version we've
been seein') Marvel Wildcat (Ted Grant-JSA) DC Comics Beau
LaDuke-Real Man Eclipse Comics
Why? Well first off, these are
three non-super powered men.... not boys. They've all been around
the block and have seen it all at one point or another.
Yeah,
they're a little frayed around the seams and could use a new coat of
paint, but these are men that have seen the best and worst of what
can be thrown at this ol' Earth...and they're still around makin' it
rough for the bad guys.
They know how to organize and give
orders. They know how to bend the rules to get the job done without
being a boy scout like Captain America or a flat out psycho like The
Punisher.
If there are nutsack aliens on the other side of
Earth's door, are these guys gonna wait for em' to
knock.
Nope.
They're gonna kick the door down and do a
Mexican hat dance on these Star Wars rejects.
It's like if
this situation were a movie... you really wouldn't want to depend on
that sissy runt Tom Cruise or that cardboard actin', frat boy Ben
Affleck to save your ass would ya?
Hell no!
You'd want
John Wayne or Clint Eastwood watchin' Earth's back when the laser
beams start flyin'.
Just look at the JLA... every month all
of those powerful super heroes win by the skin of their teeth. It
takes a whole bunch of em' just to get by. Not my boys. In fact...
the three of em' is almost over kill.
Maybe to make it fair,
we can tie one hand behind their back and Beau LaDuke can be
drunk... that ought to make it a little more fair.
So
there...for a man-sized job, ya get a man. The rest of those super
heroes carry too much baggage. A real hero packs light and moves
fast. Unless the rest of the panel agrees with me... don't even
bother readin' their answers.”
Bill Rosemann: “Only
one mighty being is needed, my friends: Po Po, the talking monkey! A
few minutes under his all-knowing gaze will shame those slimy aliens
into a swift retreat... and if that doesn't do the trick, he'll just
chug some rice wine and kung fu their butts back to the mothership!
(Those hungry to soak in the master's glory can receive monthly
doses of wisdom in the pages of Way of the Rat.)”
Alonzo Washington: “Look up in the
sky the earth is in trouble this looks like a job for Superman.
Superman is the go to superhero and is the thought to be the
strongest of them all. Everyone believes Superman could beat the
Hulk, Thor, the Thing and all of Marvel's big guns. So of course I
would have to use him. My next guy would be Goku from Dragon Ball Z.
He is cool because his powers are always growing. If there is a
villain that is stronger than him he just trains until his powers
evolves. Sayian, Super Sayian & Super Sayian 3 are his various
power levels and with his martial arts skills I truly believe he
could kick Superman's ass. My next guy would be Omega Man because he
fights aliens that are trying to destroy the Earth all of the time
and his power levels & martial arts skills rivals those of Super
Man's & Goku's. Moreover, he has to the power to time travel. So
he can travel to any time period to find out the impact of any
alien's threat.”
Fiona Avery: “I
would take Doc Strange because he can do nigh anything; Magneto
because if they comin' with big ships, there must be metal in there
somewhere and I want a mutant who has no qualms about killing; and
Oprah because the world's gonna need the #1 rally diva in order to
get through the crisis and there's no super hero I can think of who
beats Oprah for that. She could probably drum up a self-help guru
named Dr. Kill on alien invasions and have a book club for
resistance fighting.”
Gary Spencer Millidge: “Oh now,
let's see... Do they *have* to superheroes? If not, I'll make my
selection from the Silver Age pre-Crisis DC universe, and the three
characters I nominate are:
1. Dumb Bunny from The Inferior
Five 2. Angel from Angel and the Ape 3. Cynthia from Swing
with Scooter
Because the Earth deserves to be obliterated...
and at least they'll look damn cool *trying* to save it.”
Markisan
Naso: "Captain Marvel (Current version) - Genis may be insane
but he can pretty much do anything with his powers. Whether it’s
destroying a universe or creating life, Sparklehead's got the juice.
Signing Marv to the team also means I get the Rick Jones bonus. Dude
knows how to work the ladies. There is no better wingman.
The
Hulk - While Marv works up the cosmic mojo, it's always good to have
somebody around to spank the crap out of the invading hordes. Not
only is this endlessly entertaining, it's also practical. No one
creates a better diversion than the Hulk. He's virtually unkillable
and he never, ever gets tired of smashing! Once Mean Green is on the
loose, Marv is guaranteed all the time in the world to work through
his mental issues and zap the alien fiends.
The White Queen
- I think my first two team members can handle this impending Earth
doom without assistance. But just in case something goes wrong I'd
like to have Emma Frost around right before the world ends.……..”
Rob Williams: “I'd send up Blue Beetle and Booster
Gold to lure the aliens into a false sense of security, then I'd sic
J'onn J'onzz on them. The potential loss of the only planet in the
universe to make Oreo cookies would surely see The Martian Manhunter
fight in a beserker fury and the aliens wouldn't stand a chance.
And, as a side point, I reckon J'onn J'onzz could take Superman in a
drunken bar brawl any day.”
Alan Donald: ”That is too easy, far too easy. No
superheroes I'm afraid they're shit. DC Universe: Batman, Ra’s
al-Ghul (how'd ya spell that?) and Lex Luthor. If you add on another
person I'd add John Constantine, then Vandal Savage and then finally
my first superheroes Superman and Green Lantern.
Why Bats,
Lex and Ras? They are the smartest, most resourceful and pretty much
the most determined individuals on the planet. They are human beings
and despite their differences they'd do their damdest to save this
world. On top of this the 3 of them have more technology,
infrastructure and resources than anyone else. ……and in the
Marvel Universe…….
Doom, Reed Richards and…..who knows,
either Xavier, Spiderman or Beast. Doom and Richards are no
brainers. Superpowers, super brains and super science, mix in Dooms
magic and both their recourses! Then the others, the planets most
powerful telepath or a couple of super powered, brainy
scientists…..sorry I can’t choose!”
Dawn Donald: ”Well what a conundrum all these
universes and all these heroes, which do I choose? Supes, Bats and
Vandal. Xavier, Reed and The Beast. Judges’ Dredd, Death and
Anderson. Dennis the Mennis, Banana Man, and Desperate Dan. Obi Wan,
Luke and Han. Savage Dragon, Spawn and Witchblade. Katchoo, Francine
and David. Archie, Betty and Veronica. Po Po, Arwyn and Brath. All
these are really good teams but the only ones that would have the
brains to beat the ETs are Gil Grissom, Horatio Caine, and Vic
Mackey. Now there’s a trio for you: two guys with incredible brains
and intuition, one with brains and lots of brawn. Also the
facilities and people they have at their disposal. They would send
those aliens packing and if the y did manage to take over the earth
then they would be some of the best people to lead the resistance.
For those of you who are not sure of whom I speak then check out
IDW’s range of comic books.”
This Week’s Panel: We welcome two new panellists this
week for your entertainment, please give them a very big welcome so
they will keep coming back! Beau Smith (Beau has been working in
comics for 18 years and has played in most of the major players in
the industry. He currently kicks around with those folks at IDW and
us nice folks at SBC on his column Busted Knuckles); Rob Williams
(writer of the excellent cla$$war for Com.X, Family
for Rebellion and many other series in the pipeline); Fiona Avery
(says that she plays in the Marvel Universe, and with Wildstorm at
DC and is also the creator of No Honor); Alonzo Washington
(is not only the creator of Omega Man but he is also a noted
black rights campaigner); Alan Grant (look, do I really have to
introduce Alan frickin’ Grant? The guy is beyond legendary he wrote
Batman and Lobo for years, heck some of the best Judge Dredd stories
that weren’t written by John Wagner were done either by Alan on his
own or with him! It’s Alan Grant for goodness sake!); Bill Rosemann
(Bill started his career with those nice people at Marvel and is now
with those very nice people at CrossGen and is their head of
publishing); Devin Grayson (Devin writes stuff, she is really rather
good to be frank, check out Nightwing if you don’t believe
me); Vince Moore (Vince’s work for Platinum Studios can be checked
out via the link on his name above); Gary Spencer Millidge (created
and self-published the excellent Strangehaven for donkey’s
years now. This guy has fans buying tickets to UK conventions just
to pick up the latest issue of his books (or to bug the hell out of
him about their progress)); Markisan Naso (Markisan hunts down
rumours for your delectation on ATR and also is one of SBC’s
resident newshounds); Alan and Dawn Donald (we’re not interesting
piss off and leave us alone).”
Next Week’s Question: To link our excellent
anniversary with another major landmark the question will be
“Cerebus #300. March 2004. A testament to one man's vision? A
landmark for comics? Just another book?”
Have the Panel
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