VERTIGO'S ON THE LEDGE:�
MARCH COVER/JANUARY SHIP with DEVIN
KALILE GRAYSON
Dammit! It WAS Star
Wars!
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For years, I have been denying that Star Wars had any significant impact
on my life.� I was seven when it came out,� saw and enjoyed it,
but it didn�t capture my imagination the way that Frances Hodgson Burnett,
or Harriet the Spy, or even Battle of the Planets did.� Yet in thinking
about how I got from Sarah Crew and Harriet and Princess to USER�s Guilliame
de la Couer, I realize that I�m completely wrong about Star Wars. Star
Wars changed everything.
1977:� I�m playing outside
with two friends, Zachary and Jacob. We�re at Zach�s house,� so Zach
is Luke - that�s understood. I have ideas about the rest of it.�
�But I don�t WANT to be Princess Leah!���
Jacob wails.�
I brandish a small, plastic sheriff�s pistol
and gleefully mimic a Harrison Ford-like sneer.� �Well, I sure as
hell ain�t gonna do it,� sweetheart.��
Jacob turns to Zach, desperate to impute
my femininity.� �But SHE�S the GIRL!��
Zach stands behind us, arms folded, nodding
thoughtfully. �She�s kinda more Han though,� he admits, and from that moment
on I know. I know that there�s no point in huffing around with a bad attitude
and buns on either side of your head when you can drink heartily, pilot
badass spaceships,� and get away with calling starry-eyed do-gooders
�kid.�� I know that for every beauty locked up in a cell,� there�s
a sweaty,� dashing swashbuckler running around cracking jokes between
kills.� And I know that although boys will frequently mistake me for
a princess, in my heart of hearts, I will always be pure rouge.�
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For as long as I can remember, I�ve had no sincere interest in being myself.
�Self� always seemed like a pretty dodgy concept anyway - was that who
I was at Mom�s,� at Dad�s,� at school,� with friends�?�
What made sense to me - what delighted me - was make believe. Later called
�theater,� and �drama club.� Later still called �gaming.�� As a self-professed
realist and aspiring Buddhist, I try to stay rooted in the here and now.
But I have to admit that I�ve always understood Truth best as conveyed
by fiction.�
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I share this now because I have long had the impression that this is a
theme relevant to much of my generation.� The issue asserts itself
over and over again in anxious Gen X relationships,� in exploratory
but also indolent abandonment of everything from organized religion to
work ethic, and even in pop culture (Meredith Brookes� �B*tch,� Fight Club,
Being John Malkovich,� � �Nowhere Man,�).� We don�t know who
we are.� We�re ambiguous.
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USER is about that ambiguity.� It�s the story of a young woman who
has to abandon her understanding of who she is in order� to move forward.�
It is a story, I like to say,� about the power of stories.�
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There�s a school of psychology that suggest that when analyzing your own
dreams, you should assume that every character is actually you.� Fiction
is our dreams.� It�s a map of the human psyche;� an opportunity
to encounter our inner princess,� our inner demon,� our inner
rouge.�
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You are the hero of your own narrative. And also the villain,� and
the one in need of saving. You are the USER.�
�
May the force be with you.�
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